My Bladder Cancer Fight

I find the attitude of other people towards me as a bladder cancer patient very interesting. I know that we are all different individuals but sometimes I wonder where this attitude is coming from.

Women, on hearing the word ‘cancer’ immediately bring out their Motherly instincts. You can see it in their eyes and hear it n their voice. This is nice and respectful when hearing the news for the first time. However, please do not use this attitude day after day. If they only realized that by displaying very sincere sympathy for you plight day after day only makes you feel sorry for yourself. This is the last thing that we need as cancer patients. Try to change your Motherly instincts more to a supportive role. I need support and understanding not sympathy.

Men on the other hand are entirely different. The male attitude towards ‘manliness’ crops up very quickly. Again, they are genuinely sorry for your plight but that is as far as they want to go. Anything further regarding detailed information seems to infringe on their own ‘manhood‘. Men do seem to have a great problem when any situation enters the ‘manhood’ area. They generally ask a vague question like ‘how are you doing or how are you feeing?’ The last thing they want is a long and involved description of your troubles.

I personally feel that this stems from the fear that men have about their own manhood.

‘There but for the grace of God, go I’.

Anything dealing with manhood is off limits to most men. Off limits in even thinking about it. Their personal fear blocks out any possibility that, one day, they could be in the same situation.

I do realize that observations of mine are greatly determined by my age. I have lived through the times when ‘manhood difficulties’ were just never talked about. Most of my friends and relatives are from this time period. I guess this is why I detect it more than, let’s say a 30 year old. I do think that things are changing with the younger generations. Thank goodness.

I can remember very clearly back in the 70s when my Father was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. By the time of the diagnosis, it had spread to other areas of his body. To control his hormone levels, the Doctor decided to castrate my father. He consented immediately. He wanted anything done that would give him more time. His older brother’s first remark was ‘they would never do that to me, I would not be a man any more’. Unbelievably this attitude still exists today in the older generations.

Time for changes in attitude required. Let me know what you think.

Posted on March 6th, 2008 by Neil
Filed under: A Fighting Attitude, My Cancer